(Editors note: the meeting started at 11 am. No one spoke for fifteen minutes. The whole time Mike Bibby and Mo Evans attempted to stare Joe Johnson into speaking. It was equal parts futile and sexy. Finally from the corner....)
Zaza: NOTHING EASY!!!!
Mike Bibby: Zaza is right. We are giving up to many easy points. People are shooting 48% from the field these last eight games. We are not putting in the extra effort. Have you ever seen my finger nails? That is extra effort right there. If we played defense like groom, we are winning it all.
Joe Johnson: See that is what I am talking about. Just like Mike's nails. We "just get back to playing with intensity, having fun."
Josh Smith: Yo man, I can't do that. I only know one emotion at a time. As soon as happy is finished I can be intense as soon as intense is done I can pout. So if we are going to have more fun, so buddy better have some funny jokes because I pout a lot. You get me.
Al Horford: No.
Marvin: I kind of do. I don't have any emotions.
Joe Johnson: Well, we need two. Intensity and fun.
Al Horford: So are you saying we should do exactly what we have been doing, but just be more intense and fun about it?
Joe Johnson: Yes, it is a scientific fact bad shots go in when you are having fun. It is why I play better when I am drunk.
Joe Smith: Fun and intense...I think we got our new anthem. This one is going to be a slow jam.
Zaza: I rap.
Joe Smith: No, no you don't.
Zaza: Yea I do. "Fun and intense/that is our only pretense......for love."
Mo Evans: What is going on here?
Jeff Teague: Can I talk?
All: No.
(long pause)
Zaza: NOTHING EASY!!!!
Al Horford: Can we get on topic? "It's just a lack of effort. People have to make the extra rotation, the extra offense. It has something to do with offense."
Jamal Crawford: Lets focus on offense. I like offense.
Joe Johnson: What is there to focus? Fun and intense. I think we have figured out the problem.
Al Horford: I just think there is something with the offense. Like for instance, lets pretend you have three chickens. One gives you good eggs 58% of the time, another 51%, and the third 45%. But without knowing which eggs are good, the farmer just keeps taking the most eggs from the one that is 45%. That does not make sense. Plus, the chicken with most bad eggs juggles them for 15 seconds every time and so more break. Shouldn't the farmer pick from the 58% pile?
Jason Collins: I like fried chicken.
Joe Johnson: Well, is the farmer having fun and intense?
Zaza: That is our pretense......
Mike Bibby: We just need to play team ball. We all have weaknesses. I do. Not with my fingernails. But with defense. We need each other. Got to trust each other.
Joe Johnson: Bibby is right. Everyone needs to trust me.
Jamal Crawford: While we are on the issue of trust, please don't trust me on defense.
Josh Smith: I feel frustrated.
Marvin: I feel nothing so I guess this was a positive talk.
Joe Johnson: Of course it was. Good meeting?
Randolph Morris: Great meeting.
Zaza: NOTHING EASY!!!
*I did not actually go to this meeting.
** You should not believe.