Real nicknames come out of necessity. They are not cavalier prognosticating or backhanded compliments. No, nicknames are sometimes just needed. No mother can predict what their son will become, and in certain instances, that hospital room declaration ceases to articulate the reality that is. Randolph Morris and Jason Collins are there. We know this.
We voted once. Too close to call. We casted ballots in a run off. Another back and forth battle. The masses remain deeply divided. Three names still seem to hold some truth. So maybe, just maybe this is a duo that cannot be bound by one single renaming. Maybe these are men layered so deceptively deep they need more.
In cases like this, no man can speak for another, but ground rules must be made. Randolph Morris and Jason Collins can be called one of three names The Happy Meal, The Victory Cigar, or Jandolph.
The Happy Meal- One must use this name when both men are seen in a single camera shot not actually playing. There are no exceptions. If the duo enters the game with the Hawks down big, one can continue to refer them as such, but sarcasm must be thick. First person to find a picture of these two hugging and puts this caption on it, will win my affection for life.
The Victory Cigar- Any appearance in a blowout win will garner this reference. As a side note, if I am ever at Phillips and hear someone shout this out, I will buy you a beer. I don't care if you are 12.
Jandolph- Camera shots or references to one of these men on the bench can bring out the use of this phrase. Especially if it involves Randolph smiling.
Sometimes partisan passion needs to be to the side. Sometimes men are bigger than one side. In the case of of our third string front court, this is clearly the case. So let us come together, embrace the renaming and get excited for the the Happy Meal, the Victory Cigar, and Jandolph's next appearance.
Thanks for voting. You are true Americans.