Josh Smith trade rumor analyzed through the power of infomercials
by hawksdawgs on Jun 17, 2009 8:46 PM EDT
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PrintBy now you have probably heard the rumors about Josh Smith, I am not even sure this is worth a post. It seems many writers, both local and national, are just naming random scenarios they like more than they are exploring possibilities they have heard rumors about. Which may actually be lower than a rumor. Not quite baseless, but more like random speculation. Wait random speculation? That is my wheel house.
So without further ado, an analysis of why people support or dislike the baseless speculation surrounding a Josh Smith trade using different TV infomercials.
The Snuggie Rational
Is it the same as a blanket? Yea it is. But for some reason it just feels like a better fit. If the Hawks can get a similar talent and/or production, pull the trigger. It is clear that Josh Smith's immaturity and personality clash with Mike Woodson just does not work here. Let's trade blanket for blanket and maybe the fit will be a little better. And hey, if Josh Smith's "upside" can get another team to throw in two reading lamps for free, even better.
The Comfort Wipe Rational
So cleaning up after a double dog dougen is a little annoying huh? Want to take a universal task and pretend to make it easier I see. Oh and you over Josh Smith shooting jumpers, taking plays off, and pouting. Will you listen to the fact that almost every NBA team has a player like this? Will you admit to the fact that most teams have more than one player like this? Oh wait you don't touch your toilet paper? Ok, trade time.
The Hawaii Chair
I am an NBA fan. It is early mid June. I would take baseless speculation right now if it means I can forget I am sitting in a cubical for a couple of minutes.
Sham Wow
Maybe it is the hands free mike. Maybe it is the back-story of how this guy was bit by a lady of the night. Maybe I really do need to soak things up thru the carpet. Have I ever thought I need a sham wow before I saw the sham wow before? Nope, paper towels don't even have a budget line, but now that you mention it, a Hawks team without Josh Smith might be the best bet. Hey, the team will make the national news and won't even involve a prostitute.
ExtenZe
Enough of trying to grow this team naturally and slowly through the draft. It is time to make a big trade and expand the potential of this team. Josh Smith will probably give the best return.
The Tiddy Bear
Ummm, I am not comfortable with Josh Smith on the team? Oh who are we kidding I just wanted to post this one.
Which infomercial are you? What baseless speculation do you want to throw out? Do the Hawks need to trade a starter? Tiddy Bear?
Go Hawks.
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I detect a dig at the Snuggie, which is not ok.
Funny-ass post.
Posting and Toasting: "Say yo Oak, what's the dish tonight? A couple steaks on the grill and we season it right."
Also
The Tiddy Bear is fanTAStic. I aspire to be one.
Posting and Toasting: "Say yo Oak, what's the dish tonight? A couple steaks on the grill and we season it right."
Ha!
Hahahah! Classic Drew. I am not in favor of trading Josh Smith because I’m afraid of what the atmosphere in the Highlight Factory will become if he isn’t there. Let’s just say they will need to rename it. In all of this random speculation it seems the team values a no extension having coach more than they value a 24 year old unbelievably athletic swingman who when playing in an uptempo setting thrives tremendously. I can’t make sense of it. Part of me wants Josh to leave so he can thrive. The other part of me wants Josh on this team. I’m torn.
Enough of trying to grow this team naturally and slowly through the draft. It is time to make a big trade and expand the potential of this team. Josh Smith will probably give the best return.
Just like Extenze it probably will not work. Josh is not the problem. I have heard so many disturbing things that’s the biggest reason why I will continue to be a semi-fan. Im hearing that they are shopping the 19th pick to try and clear cap space to resign Bibby which makes no sense unless you no you are gonna be able to sign Sessions or you are planning to move up and take Patty Mills or whatever point guard falls to the 2nd round. (Im not big on Patty Mills) Now this. The Hawks are so hell bent on taking a step back that I feel for fanatics.
How do you know it doesn't work again??
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Elayne Boosler
Glad your back
The post was hilarious and informative.
Funny post! I would trade Smith if it brought back a super star or at least an All Star. Amare Stoudamire or Chris Bosch comes to mind. For anything less, what’s the point? Swapping blanket Josh for Snuggie isn’t going to get this team to the Finals.
Welcome back, Drew. I applaud your cleverness in timing your honeymoon so that it ends right after the NBA Finals.
And you totally ripped off my idea for my first post-except mine was analyzed through beer: Natural Light (if it’s cheap enough, it’s good), Pabst Blue Ribbon (It’s not offensive, but it’s not really delightful either), Corona Light (a change of scenery can put you miles away from ordinary), and Amstel Light (“Amstel” must be Dutch for “poison”-who drinks this stuff?)
Drew
If you never post that Comfort Wipe vid again, I would be a much happier Peachtree Hoops follower. Of all those infor-mercials, that one was by far the worse. The old lady needs help wiping, the big dude can’t find it, and then they say you never have to touch TP again, yet they show all of them touching TP to get it on the thing!?
Mental images will haunt me tonight, I am sure of it.
"If Woody were Captain of the Titanic, he'd argue the boat sinking speaks to how effectively they put rich people in life boats and lock the poor folks below."
-jrauch commenting at Hoopinion on Woody's (non)logic in his post-game comments
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